Augustine's Interpretation and Refection of His Journey

In this reading of Confessions, Augustine reflects and interprets his past actions to answer some of the questions he asks at the beginning of the text. The main question that he asks is “Can any praise be worthy of the Lord’s majesty,” which becomes the basis for asking more difficult questions such as “What, then, is the God I worship” and “How shall I call upon my God for aid” (21, 22). Augustine’s past journeys that he reflects upon is written in the present tense where he applies his interpretations of his actions. His interpretations allow for him to answer these difficult questions that trouble his understanding throughout his journey.

            Augustine describes in Books 4 through 6 his descent into sinfulness and his deep depression. He states “But where was I when I looked for you? You were there before my eyes, but I had deserted even my own self. I could not find myself, much less find you” (92).  Augustine reflects in his writings about his actions the question he asks at the beginning of what is God. Augustine recognizes God to be in everything; but because of his habitual sin, Augustine allows for the consequence of the separation between him and God. Becoming lost in his sin, he cannot find himself nor find God. He eventually realizes that the happiness he sought out for during his earlier life was found in his relationship with God.  As Augustine reflects his lowest point from his sin and his depression, he comes to answer more of his questions.

Augustine searches out for the answers and tries to find them among different respected people, such as Faustus, which ultimately fails. His descent into sin begins to make him question God and says, “Where were you all this time? … I had reached the depths of the ocean. I had lost all faith and was in despair of finding the truth” (111). In his reflection of his journey, Augustine begins to find the answers he seeks. He tries to understand what God truly is. One of his descriptions in the earlier part of the text was that “[God’s] works are varied, but [his] purpose is one and the same” (23). Even though Augustine’s journey was messy and full of suffering, he interprets his journey as God’s way of putting him on the right track. He states, “… for your purpose you make use of men whose hearts were set upon life of death… In secret you were using my own perversity and theirs to set my feet upon the right course” (100). Augustine understands that God uses different kinds of people and various kinds of situations in an individual’s life to fulfill his purpose. Understanding why these things in life must happen will not come easily, but the result of the purpose does, which is what Augustine realizes in his reflections. He states “For my part I was a prisoner of habit, suffering cruel torments through trying to satisfy a lust that could never be sates…. This was the state in which we remained until you, O God most high… had pity on our misery and came to our aid in a wonderful way that we could not understand” (129).

 Augustine writes this part of the text to interpret the journey he takes and how it led to his conversion and better understanding. Answering the questions of the identity of God and essentially in finding God, Augustine does this by reflecting the journey it takes him to get there. His journey was full of struggles and hardships because of his sins and misunderstandings, but he interprets this to be part of God’s purpose. Through Augustine’s reflection and interpretation of his journey, he gains a better understanding of God and a relationship with God.